


you have the right to remain horny

by lostmemoria



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, And It's Lydia's Birthday, Awkward Sexual Situations, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, I TOTALLY BLAME THE TITLE ON LEAH, Jordan's a Stripper Cop, but its beautiful, should I say anymore?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 17:48:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4634529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostmemoria/pseuds/lostmemoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jordan is a stripper cop and Allison, Malia, and Kira hire him for Lydia's birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you have the right to remain horny

**Author's Note:**

> For [Phoebe](http://acebarry.tumblr.com), because she comes up with the most amazing [ideas](http://grantgustin.tk/post/127325773434) that i never realize i wanted until i read them.
> 
> Special thanks to [Leah](http://jordahparrish.tumblr.com) for the title oh my god. ♥

“Birthday girl, do I have a surprise for you.” Allison is all grins as she slips her arm into Lydia’s and starts pulling her away from the crowd.

She rolls her eyes. “I thought having my birthday party at the most high end club in the city was a surprise enough,” she tells her as they stumble through the dance floor of moving bodies until Allison is leading her up the stairs to the second floor where all the private rooms are.

“Trust me, you’re going to like this surprise even better.” Allison smiling even wider and now, Lydia’s curious, because after the body shots and pole dancers, she’s not sure what to expect.

Allison drags her to the end of the hall and before Lydia can even ask her brunette friend where they’re going, one of the doors opens and Malia appears, grinning as well as she pulls both of them inside. Lydia’s never been in one of the club rooms before—they’re way _too_ expensive—and she kind of knows why now. For starters, the room is huge. It’s low lighting all around, giving it that sensual atmosphere along with the dark red of the walls and the thing that takes up the most space in the whole room is the bed, which is probably one of the biggest beds Lydia’s ever seen.

“Alright, is someone going to tell me what’s going on?” She finally asks, her question only producing giggles from Allison and Malia, while Kira sits quietly on the edge of the bed and even in the low lighting of the room Lydia can see that her face is completely flushed.

“Don’t look at me,” she says, “it was their idea. I just played along.”

“Well technically it was Malia’s idea,” Allison clarifies with a wave of her hand.  
  
“Yeah, but _you_ were the one that suggested it should be a cop.”

“Which, may I say, was actually pretty brilliant,” Kira adds.  
  
“What the hell are you guys talking about?” But before Lydia can even get an answer, there’s a knock on the door and the girls are all hushing each other.

“He’s here, _he’s here_. Quick, put her on the bed,” Allison orders and Kira and Malia are grabbing both of Lydia’s arms before she can protest, pushing her down on to the bed so that she’s sitting.

Then, Allison’s opening the door and shouting, “Happy Birthday, Lydia!”

And when the strawberry blonde finally sees what’s the big surprise hiding behind the door, it’s the last thing she expected.

“You got me a stripper cop?” Because she’s sure that’s what the guy is suppose to be. He’s all dressed in a dark blue uniform that fits him way _too_ well, to the point where it looks like one of his shirt sleeves is going to pop from how big his arms are. He’s even wearing one of those cop hats and it’s something that makes the whole outfit scream 70’s stripper cop. But god, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s so good looking and fucking hot, and Lydia wouldn’t mind having those arms wrapped around her body and her lips on that pretty face of his.

“Well, it’s actually called rent-a-cop,” Malia says casually and Lydia tries her best not to scoff, because really? _Rent-a-cop?_ How did she not know about this sooner?

The girls try their best to stifle a giggle and Lydia notices how the “cop” still hasn’t said anything. She also notices that despite being handsome as hell, he looks shy from the way he keeps averting his gaze from Lydia, the tips of his ears already red.

It makes her smile though. She could have a lot of fun with this.  
  
“Alright, we’ll leave you _two_ alone then,” Allison says as her and Kira start to leave the room, only making Malia’s brows furrow.

“Wait, what? I thought we were going to stay and watch?” Another burning blush hits the cop’s cheeks and Lydia bites down on her lower lip to stop herself from smiling.

“ _Malia_ , let’s go.” Allison grabs the other girl by the wrist and drags her out, much to Malia’s complaints and the door closes shut, leaving her alone with a stripper cop.  
  
Lydia gives him a once over, letting her eyes drink him all up, not even trying to be subtle about it. As the seconds pass by and he doesn’t say anything, she starts, “so, got a name? Or should I just call you _deputy?_ ” She definitely wouldn’t mind calling him the latter.

Her words bring a smile—not a smirk, not a sexy grin, but a _smile_ , an innocent but genuine smile cross his lips. “Ah, right. Sorry. You’re Lydia, right?” She nods, loving the way her name leaves his lips. “I’m Jordan. But, you can call me whatever you want. Happy Birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks. They weren’t wrong when they said twenty-one is a magical number,” she teases, her eyes lowering to his legs and god—herculean is the perfect way to describe his thighs. She glances back up at him, “how long do I have you for?”  
  
“The whole night,” he responds, and the answer makes Lydia’s eyes go wide a little. Allison wasn’t lying when she said she’d love this surprise even better.

“Oh, that sounds fun.” She smirks, tilting her head ever so slightly to look at him. A beat or so later, she says, “so. Are you going to strip for me now?”

She thinks it’s her bluntness and confidence that keeps making him blush, but she soon realizes that it’s not just _that_ , but also the fact that he’s the most awkward stripper cop she’ll probably ever witness in her life. For one, he keeps talking while undressing and it kind of ruins the whole illusion of the situation, but she tries to dismiss it as soon as he slips out of his shirt because he has a toned chest and killer abs that she just wants to run her hands all over. There’s music playing faintly from somewhere in the room and Lydia wouldn’t consider him a totally bad dancer, because she’d be lying if she said the way he spreads his legs a little and rolls his hips backwards isn’t turning her on, because it totally is. And she totally wolf whistles too.

That makes him laugh, and it’s a beautiful laugh as his hands then slide down his bare chest at a teasingly slow pace until he finally reaches his belt which he _starts_ to undo, but never gets off because well, like she said: he’s probably the most awkward stripper cop she’ll ever get the chance to meet.

Lydia watches him struggle for a few seconds with the buckle and she’s sure if she was any other girl, they would be irritated, but not her. She’s never been like other girls anyways. She likes taking matters into her own hands more than she likes sitting back and watching.

So, she gets up and struts towards him and he doesn’t even notice she got up until her hands are on his chest, his skin burning under her touch. He glances up to look at her, his green eyes meeting her hazel ones in surprise and Lydia just smiles. “Let me help you with that,” she says, her voice a drawl as she keeps her gaze locked with his while she undoes his belt easily, the metal clinking between her fingers before she drops it to the floor. She licks her lips, and he’s blushing all over again.

“I—I’m actually filling in for someone,” he says, as if he needs to explain his demeanor. “You were actually suppose to get Derek, but he was booked today. He’s popular with both the ladies and the guys, that’s why. You...You probably would have liked Derek better.” She can hear the embarrassment in his voice, and she can only imagine what he’s thinking, probably something along the lines of how he probably ruined her day or that she’d rather be somewhere else instead of here with him.

And if that’s what he’s thinking, Lydia fully intends to change that. “I don’t care about any _Derek_. I like you, and I want you tonight,” she tells him firmly and before he can even answer, she’s snaking her hand up around his neck and pulling him down for a searing kiss.  
  
Jordan makes a strange noise that sounds something along the lines of a pleasured groan and a whimper and it just makes her want to hear more of it as she kisses him even harder, deeper. Her fingers dig into his hair, tugging at the short strands as she feels his hands pull her in closer by the waist before moving even lower to feel her ass, making her moan into his mouth. And she thinks, at least he isn’t shy when it comes to touching her.

“Mhm, I’ve been a bad girl, _officer_ ,” she purrs against his lips, pulling away to press kisses up his jaw until she reaches his ear, letting her warm breath hit his ear. “I think you need to teach me how to be a good girl again. Hm?” She figures if she’s going to do this, she’s going to want the full experience of it.

Jordan’s warm hands slide up her back and it’s almost impossible for her to not arch into his touch. He leans down to press kisses down her neck before nuzzling her shoulder, and it’s extremely affectionate and endearing and definitely not something she expected from a stripper cop. “I think I was suppose to give you a lap dance first,” he says, as if reminding her.

Lydia merely rolls her eyes. “Forget the lap dance. I rather have you fuck me into the mattress.”

“You’re definitely the most straightforward client I’ve had,” he tells her, smiling against her skin. “But yeah, I can do that.” He’s picking her up then, scooping her into his arms easily and Lydia kisses him fiercely again as he leads her over to the bed, laying her down carefully while he hovers over her. “But first, let me take care of you. Will you let me do that?” His warm hands move down her legs, opening them up and letting her dress hike up.

“Oh god, _yes_ ,” Lydia mewls, lifting her hips up to let him slide down her underwear and toss it aside. He kisses up each of her legs then, sending an anticipating pool of warmth surging down to her abdomen that only burns into something stronger when she finally feels his mouth exactly where she wants it. And let’s just say, it definitely makes up for his awkwardness from minutes ago.

He spreads her opens and dives his tongue in, parting her lips to give her a taste, and he knows exactly what to do to have her quivering in his grasp and keening for him. He laps her up both hungrily and expertly, switching from pressing his tongue up against her walls to pulling out and flicking it against her sensitive clit before thrusting back inside again, and it drives Lydia crazy. Not to mention that he’s also murmuring praises to her, _you’re so wet for me baby, I love that,_ before going back to tongue fucking her and it just turns her on even more, makes her arch into his mouth even more.

She’s been eaten out countless times before, but never like this—never to this degree where when she comes, it makes her breath hitch and her legs tremble before she cries out, voice raspy as her orgasm ripples through her with such intensity that she just dissolves into pure pleasure, head rolling back against the sheets. And she expects him to stop right there, but he doesn’t. Not until she’s coming a second time, this time to the press of his fingers slick from her juices curling up inside her, making a fire trail down her entire trembling body.

As she comes down from her pleasure, she feels his lips brush against her thighs in soft kisses and just like the nuzzling, it’s too affectionate to be coming from a stripper but she’s not complaining. Jordan doesn’t say anything, just continues his soft ministrations on her skin and it takes her a few seconds to realize that he’s waiting on her to make the next move, since after all, this is about _her_ and what she wants to do.

Lydia rolls over on to her stomach then, propping herself up on her elbows while her limbs still feel pliant from his touch. She glances over her shoulder at him where he’s watching her and sees his erection tenting in his pants. It makes her flash him a lazy smile. “I wasn’t joking when I said that I’d rather you fuck me into the mattress,” she says, giving him a wink. “Also, since you’re a _cop_ , I’m assuming you have a pair of handcuffs with you? I have been a bad girl after all.”

Apparently, he does. (What kind of stripper cop would he be if he didn’t?)

"You have to right to remain silent," he says when she raises her arms up above her head and he cuffs her, and even though she's not looking at him she can tell he's smiling.  
  
"More like the right to remain horny," she murmurs and a small laugh escapes his lips, and it rings through her ears pleasantly as he rucks her dress up further, revealing her ass.  

And the cool metal of the handcuffs dig into her wrists when he finally lines his cock up against her swollen sex, slick with her juices, and then thrusts forward, driving her up against the bed. Lydia curses, a moan leaving her lips as she feels Jordan’s fingers curl around her hips and she whines, “ _harder._ ” She only has to say it once before he’s thrusting out and then slamming back inside her, his hands palming the curve of her ass as he sets up a rhythm, each thrust making her moan even louder until she’s burying her face into her arms and literally, lets him fuck her into the bed.

When she’s close to the verge of another orgasm, she feels one of his hands slide up her back again, making a muffled moan escape from her lips as he tugs down the zipper of her dress and leans down, pressing kisses down her spine. And it’s so damn intimate that the gentle touch of his lips paired with his pounding thrusts makes her whole body tense up as she comes again, this time her screams muffled by the bed sheets as she clamps around him tightly, making him climax too and fill the condom.

When he pulls out of her and uncuffs her before going to discard the condom, she feels like she just had the best sex ever. And she tells him that, when he lays down next to her. “I didn’t expect sex with a stripper to be that well, _amazing_ ,” she says, making him blush and chuckle a little. She splays her fingers against his chest, tracing over the contours of his abs. “Mhm, what time is it?”

“Two in the morning. You still have a few hours.”

“Yeah?” She gets up and then crawls over him so that she’s straddling his hips. He looks at her, a little surprised. “Tell me, have any of your clients handcuffed _you_ before?”

He shakes his head. “But, I wouldn’t mind you being the first.”

She smiles and then pulls him into another kiss, because she wouldn’t mind either.

 

**

 

 

When they’re finally both sated and satisfied, Lydia allows herself to revel in his warmth and cuddle with him for a bit until he has to go. And when he does get out of the bed to get dressed again, she misses his touch, his warmth almost immediately. But she doesn’t say anything about it as she watches him dress back into his clothes and while he does, she slips out of bed, putting on one of the robes that the room offers and then walking over to him, not knowing what to say.

She’s probably never going to see him again after tonight, and she honestly doesn’t know how to feel about that.

When he’s all dressed again he looks at her and smiles. “I guess I should get going then.”

She nods, biting her lower lip. “I...Um, was just wondering—do you carry a card with you? So, I can maybe contact you next time?” She can feel her face burning up as the question rolls off her tongue and she’s never been the type to blush like this.

“I actually don’t,” he replies, and Lydia’s about to tell him that it’s okay and walk him to the door trying her best not to look embarrassed, but then he’s patting his pockets, “but I do have my other one.” She’s confused at first by what he means but then he pulls out a card from his back pocket and hands it to her. It’s a card from the recreational center she passes by every morning on the way to work. “I only do this job on the weekends. The rest of the time I’m a self defense trainer at the recreational center. And on Wednesday, I’m usually free around noon and like having coffee at my favorite cafe. You can join me, if you like.” He has a nervous smile on his face as the words spill out of his mouth, and Lydia is surprised and shocked at the same time.

But more than that, she’s also grateful, and she’ll definitely have to treat the girls tomorrow for dinner. She beams at him, “I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://lydiasdeputy.tumblr.com)


End file.
